Breaking News:
13 year old Timmy Boylen has unlocked the mysteries of cybernetics. "I watched Terminator 3 and I was like, 'damn that stuff is awesome!' so I watched the first two movies and got hooked..." commented Timmy.

Timmy locked himself in his basement on August 2nd and was only seen during mealtime by his parents. "We just thought he was playing video games on the new computer we bought him like every other 13 year old" Timmy's parents responded in their defence. Timmy remained in his basement for 27 days working tirelessly on his implants. His first idea to install a blaster in his hand, "like Mega Man" (Timmy), was a failure and he lost his left arm in the attempt.

"I was not at all [stopped] by my failure. It just made me want to work hard. I thought to myself that if I lost my arm it shouldn't be in vain." Timmy told our reporters. His loss of arm was NOT in vain. He successfully implanted a laser blaster in his right eye as well as a metallic plate in the right side of his head. When asked why he only replaced the right side of his face with gadgets, Timmy responded, "The coolest part in the terminator was when he only had half his face on. I wanted to be cool like that... Plus, I saw AI and what happens to people who aren't human..."

We wanted to know what he was going to do with his powers, and Timmy sent us a bulleted list:

  • Incapacitate all those who have opposed me
  • Teach my cat a lesson every time it scratches me
  • Tell my teachers I deserve an A, just for the fact that I did this to myself.
  • Make alot of friends... Or at least for them to be friends with me... I mean I do have a laser in my eye
  • Win American Idol
  • Become Cool

Well, from everyone here at Boredom Times, Good Luck Timmy!

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